Loving On Your Enemies

Today started pretty great. I started by reading my Jesus Calling and reading some of God's word.

Then from there it seemed as everything went downhill.

Let me backtrack by explaining my past week. Clearly by now (2 years at Jovenes this month) everyone knows how in love with this place I am. Incase I haven't vocally claimed this before, I am incredibly blessed by this job and, in some ways, would be perfectly content staying forever. These boys have changed my life. They have changed the way I see the world, and they have especially changed the way I see myself.

While all of this is positive, the devil finds other ways to bring me down. For starters I have found it extremely difficult to trust people in Honduras. Because of the "looking out for number 1" attitude a lot of people have here, the art of lying comes naturally or is taught at a very young age. Sometimes its coworkers or friends I've met outside of JEC, but today it's mechanics.

I cannot find a trustworthy mechanic. 

For the past year and a half I've had a vehicle here. This is one of those things that, for me, is necessary. I need a car to be able to grocery shop, run errands for JEC, and to be able to get home/to work each day. So since arriving last Monday, my car has been in trouble. Who knows how long it was working poorly, because I left my car in great condition when I returned home for a wedding. I had just purchased brand new tires (because of a really amazing donor) and had some needed work done. Therefore you can imagine the disappointment when you've been gone for 3 weeks, and your car is returned to you worse than when you left.

This is one of those things we are taught (maybe just in the South?) - when you borrow something, you return it in the condition it was given to you or BETTER.

I won't go into detail, but my car has been in the shop for over a week. Twice its come back from the shop, I've tried to use it, and I've ended up breaking down on the side of the road (including Friday night having to be rescued at 8:30 by my boss and his family all in their p.j.'s).

This is frustrating. 

It's even more frustrating because I am a single, naive gringa who doesn't know too much about cars. In the past year I've learned way more than I ever thought, but people keep cheating me over and over ... and over again.

I apologize if this seems like a way to whine. That's not my intention. My intention was simply to ask for prayer. While this may not seem like a big deal to you, this is one thing my mind cannot wrap around.

How is it that people, knowing I am here to voluntarily help the children of Honduras, continue to cheat me? How is that okay in their head?

I think this, more than anything, is what really disappoints me. It makes me feel defeated - like I want to just throw my hands up and be done with it.

I think about how we are taught only to surround ourselves with good people. People who make us better. As christians, we are taught to only surround ourselves with people who encourage us to be better followers of Jesus.

In Nashville I constantly felt like I was surrounded but such an incredible group of people. But here I am being tested. Every single minute of every single day.

As much as I hate to admit it, I am frequently saying to myself "SO WHAT'S THE POINT" if everyone keeps taking advantage of me? Why do I continue living here in a culture that I find so difficult to live in in many ways, yet so easily in others.

Then my heart lurches.
Then I think of the boys. 

I can't imagine leaving them. I can't imagine not seeing their faces each day. I just can't.

But I know God is doing His work here. I am sure He is here.

And sometimes I just need reminding this is HIS work and HIS plan... not mine. I have to trust that with or without me, God won't forget about these boys.

So please pray for me today. I am selfishly asking for your prayers and encouragement. I feel broken and am needing God more than ever today. It is one of those days when you just need the comfort of home in many ways.

I am however reminded of a verse I read this morning in Galations 5:6

"...the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love"

This is what is driving me today. Continuing to love on these boys and love others, even when they do wrong by me over and over again. Because in the long run, I know I do the same thing to Jesus, right?